It is said the “firsts” after someone passes are the hardest. First holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc without your loved one seem to be the hardest. Thursday, June 15 would be our Dad’s 93rd birthday – but he passed away on October 15th, so this is his first heavenly birthday.
I planned a lot of “grace” for myself for 6/15. I’m not going to work, unless I want to; I have an appointment with my therapist (talking to her has helped me so much); and I signed up for a gardening class through our local extension office. If I don’t feel like going to the class I don’t have to. But, something tells me that tomorrow isn’t going to be as horrible as other “firsts”. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I’m feeling more “at peace” with his passing, mostly because I believe that he and our Mom are together again – and that’s really where he always wanted to be. He lived over 13 years beyond when she died, and I know he missed her terribly. During the 14 or so months he lived with us until he died he loved to tell my kids tales of adventure that he and Mom had gotten into. For me, the memory of sitting next to him at the dining room table, watching my two kids listen as he told of the time he and Mom went to see Louis Armstrong in concert – and Mom just walked backstage like she owned the place – is a treasured memory (likely equally as treasured as his memory of that night was to him). My kids, both being very involved with music, sat across the table listening to him tell this epic tale, with looks of awe and amazement – their grandparents had seen the great Louis Armstrong in person and grandma had conned her way backstage to have her album signed!
Maybe I’ll be a little sad tomorrow. But I hope that I can think of times past, laughter and tales, and how even 13 years after he died, he still got choked up and teary eyed when he spoke of Mom. I choose to believe that they are together and they’re enjoying what lies beyond. I recently “read” a book called “Unlikely Animals” by Annie Hartnett, and I really really really hope that the afterlife is something like what is depicted in this clever and well written novel. As I listened to the audiobook I would often find myself smiling and picturing my parents in the mix of characters of the novel.
Florida in March 2022, shortly before we bought our vacation home in Port Charlotte.
So, that’s that. Tomorrow is one of those “grief milestones” that we each must go through, but I hope that for me there are more smiles than tears – and maybe even some laughter. Maybe I’ll see a pair of cardinals tomorrow morning as I enjoy coffee on the deck. Maybe I’ll hear one of “his” songs as I go about my day. I’m sure he will be with each of us tomorrow, and encouraging us to celebrate the time we had with him.
I’ve had a lot of help from family and friends since Dad passed away. I sincerely thank each of you. Having him live with us and caring for him at the end of his life was an honor and privilege. He was a sweet and gentle man who had a wonderful sense of humor and could tell a good story. I cherish the time that I had with him and hope that he has a wonderful heavenly birthday and that he and Mom know how very much they are missed.
The Neverending Lori 