Month: March 2023

Life After Loss, Trauma

Waves

Lori Martin

It’s no secret to anyone that knows me that I love the ocean. I love to hear the waves, watch the waves, and feel them against my skin. I’ve been reading a lot and thinking about life and that’s when it hit me….

Life is just a series of waves…

We all have good times, smooth sailing one might say, when things seem to click and work our way. Then we’ll hit a rough patch, stormy seas perhaps. When you’re in the rough time it seems like you just keep getting knocked down with one bad thing after another. Enough already, right? You’ve had your two or three hard things and it needs to stop. But sometimes it doesn’t…and the hard things keep coming at ya.

One hard thing after another after another.

Damn – I hate it when that happens. Truly. I hate it for myself, I hate it for my family, friends, and even complete strangers. I hate to see people I love suffer hardship.

When the seas of life get rough, just remember that this hard time (like ones in the past) will NOT last forever. Enjoy the good times while they’re there and then hang on, dig in, and ride out the hard times. Remind yourself that the hard times won’t last forever, and even in the hard times there is often good – whether it be the “showing up” of people who care about you, personal growth, or a hard time that forces you into a new space in life (job, home, etc) – you may find the difficulty pushed you into growth that you may have otherwise missed.

Enjoy the good times of your life. Relish them. Laugh as much as possible, create memories, enjoy every single minute. Don’t take those good times for granted. Those good times might make a hard wave of life seem extra difficult, but remember that these waves change – from the good to the bad – and from the bad to the good.

During a hard time I had to sit back and take stock at the reality of MY situation. The reality is, my worst days are likely easier than someone’s best day. I’m very lucky to have the life I have, and find it important and humbling to keep that in mind. Yes, my struggles are still valid and meaningful to me, but when I let myself get too deep into my own head I remind myself that my worst day is better than someone’s best day. I’m not searching for basic needs for myself and my family. I don’t live in a war-torn area and fear for personal safety. Even at my worst, I have it pretty damned good.

Enjoy the good days and learn from the hard ones. As I said in the recent Writing Prompt post, the situations in my life that provided my most significant personal growth have been the HARD situations. Living and learning go hand in hand, so when faced with challenges, look for the lesson or the opportunity that you might not have seen before. It may take time, but personal growth is usually found there…growing under the shit show that your day/week/month has been.

Writing Prompt

Writing Prompt:

Lori Martin

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

I came here tonight to write about WAVES, but saw the daily writing prompt and decided to hammer out WAVES another day…because this prompt is too good.

The experiences in life that have helped me grow the most have been the HARD ONES!

Every time.

Every damned time.

It’s almost like that saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” might have some truth to it.

Hard times (loss of a loved one, personal struggles, business struggles, etc) have all been such learning and growing times for me. Having your life upturned has that effect on a person. Mainly, it gave me perspective – because we all get bogged down in the day-to-day crap and think THAT is what matters. Then something shakes you to your core and you realize the day-to-day crap is just CRAP. The people (and experiences with those people) in your life is what matters WAY more than the stuff we find ourselves focused on. I’ve often heard that “lesson” in that you can drop dead and the people that you love will forever be changed and miss you while work will just replace you with another person. It’s easy to fall into that routine of spending a lot of your focus on your job and miss out on time with the PEOPLE who really matter.

Here’s where I struggle…DURING the hard times, it’s really hard for me to remember that IN that experience will likely come growth and learning. During a hard time I wonder why I’m being punished, what I did to deserve such hardship, or other equally unhelpful thoughts. I need to remember that old advice – everything happens for a reason, and sometimes it’s some time before we know the reason.

That is such simple, true, and relevant advice…and yet in the midst of a hard time I struggle with remembering that perhaps this trouble is leading me to something better. I struggle with remembering that the trouble may help me to grow, to learn, and to gain fresh perspective.

So, if you’re facing a hard time, just remember that many people find personal growth out of that difficulty. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, do what you can every day, and remember that life is constantly changing and evolving, so this hard time will NOT last forever. Reach out to your people. Accept help from others. Do something to help someone else. That’s always helpful to me in situations when I feel helpless – help someone else. There’s some sense of peace and calm from helping another person when you feel like you can’t even help yourself. You’ll be reminded of the qualities that you have that have gotten you this far. You may dig deeper into those and push a bit harder on in the trudge through this hard time.